You Can't Cut the Cord For Him- How to Live With a Mama's Boy
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Know What You Are Getting Into
Dating a "Mama's Boy" can be a double edged sword. On one hand these guys make good significant others if you believe in the old adage that you can tell how a man will treat you by the way he treats his mother. These men are normally attentive and considerate and value women in general. On the other hand, you will probably tire of always being in second place to his Mother's needs and wishes.
Is dating a "Mama's Boy" worth it? Maybe. If you choose to pursue a relationship with a man who won't cut the umbilical cord, you must fully accept the fact that he is a "Mama's Boy" for the long term. It is true that blood is thicker than water and if this man is forced into making a decision, it isn't Mama who is going to be packing her bags. To fully accept the lifestyle of a "Mama's Boy" you must be psychologically comfortable with the fact that nothing you will ever do will be as good as the way his Mother does it, nothing you ever cook will be as good as how his Mother cooks it. Your dedication and skill in caring for your home will never measure up to his Mother's techniques. To survive a relationship with him, you must be prepared to spend all of your free time with his Mother and not complain about not doing the other things you would rather be doing.
If your "Mama's Boy's" mama really cares about her son, she will treat you with respect and respect the boundaries of your relationship with her son. She will appreciate your relationship with her son and consider your needs as well as her own. If she can't do that, then your relationship probably won't make it.
It is the role of your MAN to establish the boundaries with his mother. If he is unable to do this or to "whipped" to do this, it is best not to enter a relationship with this man. Nothing you can do will change the situation.
Resources On Dealing With A Mamma's Boy
The Red Flags that He Is a Mamma's Boy
If you listen very carefully on those first few dates, you will soon learn if your date is a "Mama's Boy". There are some subtle and early red flags:
- If a man excuses himself during your first few dates "to call his mother", he is probably a Mama's boy.
- On your first or second date, he talks excessively about his mother. If you attempt to make plans with him, he says he has to call his mother first.
- If your man is contemplating a big decision or considering buying a large ticket item but says he can't act until he gets his mother's opinion, he is most likely a "Mama's boy."
- If your date cancels out on your date because his mother needs him to do something, run!
- If your date is very pushy and requesting you meet his mother too soon before you are even a couple, he is probably under pressure to get her approval of you before he gets too involved. Run!
- One obvious sign that your date has an unhealthy attachment to his mother is if his phone or computer screen reveals a picture of his mom or he and his mother together.
- For some reason or another, if his mother is in your day to day conversations, you probably have a problem.
- If his Mom is still doing his laundry for him, he is probably a "Mama's Boy."
- If your date stops at his mother's house daily to eat, or if she brings him his meals and cleans for him, he is a "Mama's Boy."
- If your beau calls his mother about every detail about your relationship, calls her after every disagreement you have, or shares intimate information about your dating details or relationship, this is a big indicator he is a "Mama's Boy."
- The most damaging sign that he is a "Mama's Boy" is if he takes her side on issues and does not defend YOU if need be. It does not matter if he is afraid of her or of hurting his Mama's feelings, you should always be his first priority. If your man isn't willing to put you first, the relationship will not make it.
An Informative Look into Daddy's Girls by Lord De Cross
Thank you for reading and feel free to share your horror story with a Mama's Boy or over bearing Mother in Law!
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Thank you for being the first to comment Sunshine! I imagine there could be Daddy's boys too or the equialent for men.. the Daddy's Girl. It takes so much work to find someone who is emotionally healthy these days. I appreciate you taking the time to read this!
As a mother of 3 boys this was very informative. Great Hub!
Interesting and informative hub Tammy. Some people should be extremely careful to not categorize some men in this category because they fit into just one of these pointers you've put forth. I am currently living at home and have all of my life, however it doesn't put me into this category. My mother is my best friend and the main reason I continue to live at home is due to honoring the last wishes of my father while he was on his death bed. He had only one request and that was to make sure that she was never completely alone. And, I've had several relationships with women and I've told them in advance about why I live at home. Each has said they didn't have a problem with. Good hub!
Okay, were you thinking of me when you wrote this hub?
If not is fine. I can be considered mammas boys until certain degree. I was raised by a divorced mom, so she was there for us most of the time. But I;m fine, I take my life...not so serious... and try to be understandable toward women. Any problem with that? If so, call mom! or ask Tammy... you know?
LORD
Tammy....Oh Lord, what a "can of worms!" All "Mama's Boys" are not created equal....nor do all adages translate the same in all cases! Please allow to me suggest a different slant, in the interest of "sharing." As for considering how a man treats his mother being a gauge as to how he would treat a wife? Well, consider the man who NEVER GOT ALONG WITH MAMA, didn't think very highly of her & couldn't wait to get the heck away...their "choice" of a woman, will most always be a female as different from his Mama as possible...and therefore, appreciate, respect and love you BECAUSE of this....just the opposite reason we may think Mama's boys have. Many guys who "appear" to be Mama's boys are in reality, just dedicated, loyal sons who want to give back to a Mom whom they greatly appreciated and admired throughout their life with her....and yet they are strong, independent men who specifically draw a clear line between Mom & the woman in his life. The Mama's Boy you describe is the extreme and I sincerely advise any woman to run for the nearest exit and don't look back. To be fair, I would give this same advice to men in terms of a "Mama's girl/"Daddy's Little Princess." Oh GAWD....that latter one? Run, buddy RUN!! lmao. Loved this hub, Tammy!! Up & awesome
Kelleyward,
We have much in common. I too rose three sons. I was a single parent so we are all close, but they aren't dependant on me. The best gift you can give any child is that of being able to take care of themselves. Thank you for reading!
Very useful tips for spotting them, and I can relate. Especially the last line made me cringe a bit. When I was dating my ex, I made the mistake of telling his parents that he was moving in with me, and an argument between me and his mother ensued-- all while my ex sat there quietly watching us, too afraid to step in. I should have taken that as a major red flag, but I was only about 21 at the time (and very naive).
I could add a few more to the list:
*He makes sure to give his mother a gift for special occasions that he spent just as much on as if he shopped for you. Or you might be shocked at the extremes he'll go to to please her with gifts or favors.
*He will compare you to his mother, in cooking skills, arguing skills (his mother has a sweet voice that you couldn't get mad at), and parenting skills-- and you will look like the slacker no matter what. After all, his mother held a full time job, came home to clean the house, cook dinner and still watched the kids while her husband sat on the couch watching TV. And she would bring him a beer, too.
*He won't praise you for all the loving acts you do, but he'll have a few examples of kind gestures his mother did for his dad (that YOU don't do).
*After you break up, he will tell his family and friends how "unappreciated" he was during the entire marriage, even though you spent your waking days pedestalizing him. Behind the scenes will be his mother, telling him how "that" woman never deserved him. She might have even encouraged him to break up with you.
I could go on, but it brings up bad memories. I'm just lucky to be free of my baggage known as the "momma's boy." Unfortunately, he now defends his mother against our kids, and that CHAPS MY HIDE!
Thank you for warning women about these types-- you really need to be careful who you fall for, because the effects can last generations.
Thank you for your comment Casgil,
I think you represent those guys who make good catches because you appreciate women. There is a big difference between being a Mama's boy and taking care of your Mother. It all boils down to a man not being his own person! Great thoughts.
No Lord,
I wasn't thinking of you and your Mom here. There is nothing wrong with respecting your mom, being close to her, spending time with her.. that is all very admirable and makes for a great, fun, family environment. These men are those who can't function outside of thier mother's existence. In these relationships, the mother and son enable eachother's dependence upon one another. I highly doubt you are a Mama's boy but a great son with a great mom.
Hi there fpherj48,
Thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts. I think a misogynist is a DANGEROUS choice for women all together. There are many of these men out there too. They make very poor mates and especially fathers. A think a woman is better off with the most whipped Mama's boy... These men hate women and you can't trust them.
Wonderful 1,
I think you have met the classic Mama's boy and I am glad you ran far away. This demonstrates the damaged psychology of this individual and the cycle of dependence he could not break. Certain hovering mothers enable their sons to be this way and they really ruin the lives of their sons. They get flattered and an emotional high from the praise and worship from their son's and thrive off of it. They actually feel redeemed when their son's let them rule everything and valued by their son's loyalty. This psychological conditioning isn't fixable in most cases because it is part of the son's cognitive development. He has been conditioned to remain dependant on her for life. This is a very unhealthy way to raise and child and it is why it makes dating a Mama's boy impossible. Thank you for sharing. These are thought provoking ideas!
Tammy....you SAID it! Mysogynist is another whole HUB in itself! I wouldn't touch that with someone else's computer! That subject brings out bad vibes and disappointment!
Well said fpherj48.. I am sure it would bring them out of the word work and they would leave evil comments.. they don't deserve any recognition.
Thanks for an interesting hub!
Between the misogynist and the momma's boy is another category to run from. That's the guy who is frustrated because he's still looking for his mother's love and getting it only often enough to keep him coming back for more.
We look at women and their mothers and men and their fathers and think of those relationships as very involved and interesting. But looking at how the mother/son and father/daughter relationships vary is just as interesting.
Thanks for that response Healthy Pursuits. That is so true. I have definaltley met that man! These parent child relationships really set the bar for how someone will behave in life. You brought up an excellent point!
......gotta love your wit, charm and your uncanny ability to tell/speak the truth - and there's only one thing to say after all of that - I want to be Tammy's boy (big time - and if it's the last thing I ever do!)
lake erie time ontario canada 5:19am just arrived home from night shift
A brilliant hub which I am so sure will benefit many readers.
Take care and enjoy your day.
Eddy.
Epi,
You are TOOO kind! I appreciate you stopping by to read and comment. Always.. My Favorite Hubber You!
Thank you so much Eddy. I hope you and yours have a wonderful New Year!
LOL great hub. Voted up! How about the mum who still buys her married son his underwear and socks.......just saying ;)
You crack me up kialina.. AND the man who will wear them.. lol.. Thank your for your humor!
Oh tammy,
Between our love of doughnuts and your writing style, where have you been all my Hub life?
Never mind... I know I am going to enjoy your work! I'm feeling very similar in thought...hmmm! UP & FAB!
Now what kind of doughnut may I offer you, mar?
Hi Marcoujor,
Hello and thank you for reading. You are too kind. I love Raspberry doughnuts.. I will bring the coffee!
So I married a mama's boy, divorced him, and then later married the exact opposite. Both have pros and cons - cant there just be a happy medium?! Funny idea Tammy. I loved this!
Ha ha! Did you write this about my ex? Him and his dominating mother had an unhealthy bond. She never liked me and made it perfectly obvious. When I mentioned it to him his response was 'She's always like that with my girlfriends!)Doh! Needless to say, he's history!
You hit the nail on the head Peanutritious. These relationships are not healthy and if the man is not willing to respect you enough to enforce the healthy boundaries, he needs to go. I am glad you got out of this type of relationship. It isn't good for anyone! Thanks for reading!
I just dumped a Mama's boy. I could go off on a rant about it, but what is the point? I've dated a couple in my time and I hope to never make that mistake again. Voted up and awesome!
Good for you Jeannie! They are everywhere. You will do better to find someone who will make you a priority.
Good advice -- hard to compete with a man' mother -- so I don't know that getting into a relationship with such a boy is worth it. Voting this Up and Interesting.
Thanks Alocsin! That seems to be the consensus on this so far. So many people have been through it. Thanks for your visit!
I so agree with you. Mothers who baby their sons (or daughters) and don't push them out of the nest just cannot seem to see what a disservice they are doing children they claim to love. Great hub.
Thanks Jackie, They really do. It is selfish of a mother to expect her son to live for only her. I appreciate that thought!
Excellent pointers Tammy :) loved reading them.
Btw I wrote a hub on motherinlaw....lol
Voted way up n useful
Ohhh.. the mother in law. You are very brave Ruchira! Thanks for the comment! I will check it out.
Sunshine625 Level 8 Commenter 4 months ago
Excellent pointers for women to watch out for! I know some mama's boys but never dated or married them. How about daddy's boys? Voted UP!!!